The second meeting focuses on the persons background, particularly information about the persons early family life; previous school experiences; past friendships, employment and intimate relationships; childhood emotional development and functioning, and significant interests throughout the persons life. The families of adults affected by Cassandra Syndrome can also improve and they will be able to parent in an easier way. My goal in writing this and related posts is to share with my readers that there is hope. Who cares, there's more than one way to skin a cat. He never understood. Cassandra Syndrome describes a woman who tries to tell others about her life with an autistic partner and is not believed. There was also an obvious cause that they and I knew about. In Greek mythology, the god Apollo, gave Cassandra the supernatural gift of prophecy as a way of trying to win her affection. Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome Group & Webinar, 6-week group coaching and therapeutic community. This is a group for "women only" who have felt emotionally deprived and depressed See more Private Only members can see who's in the group and what they post. If this need is not being met - and the reason why is not understood - then mental and physical health will be negatively affected. In my clinical experience, these unions face a unique set of issues. With understanding comes greater empathetic response. Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. Even if I, or the children, were upset there would be no simple hug and concern, he would be annoyed and confused as to why we were upset, especially if we should be doing something else. Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. They may interrupt and say things without regard for whatever else is going on but it is because they dont understand how conversations are carried out rather than not being able to restrain themselves. Dr. Kenneth Roberson is an Adult Autism Psychologist in San Francisco with over 30 years of experience. Do you provide counseling services to Canada? Thank you for the request, someone from our team will send you more information via email shortly. In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. A person is diagnosed based on the signs and symptoms he or she has rather than the results of a specific laboratory or other type of test. This practice is nothing short of racketeering and is profoundly malicious. She was married to an Asperger's man. That's helpful to my mental state. In contrast, adults with Aspergers tend not to understand non-literal language, slang or implied meanings. In contrast, there sits the NA husband, calm, rational, often intelligent, and successful in their career. It is deeply concerning that vulnerable and desperate women are being taught to give armchair diagnoses of autism to their male partners and placing all the blame for any dysfunction solely on the male, while promoting reading materials and therapies that address issues that have been fabricated. When everything has been addressed to the extent allowed in this timeframe, the final part of the clinical interview is the presentation of my findings. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. If, on the other hand, the person engages in limited back-and-forth communication, attempts to make friends in odd and typically unsuccessful ways, and is not especially interested in reaching out to others, a diagnosis of Aspergers could be considered but not assured. It is alarming that those who push this agenda refuse to engage in meaningful dialogue with objective individuals in order to control the narrative. Those signs and symptoms are often subtle and it takes someone with considerable experience to tell whether they are present and, if so, whether there is enough of a case to say confidently that the person has Aspergers. The mission of the Down Syndrome Resource Foundation is to support people living with Down syndrome and their families with individualized and leading-edge educational programs, health services, information . They often say things such as. I was wondering why even though he is highly intelligent (Yale MBA) he does not seek professional work. . A noticeable characteristic of someone with SPD is their difficulty expressing anger, even when they are directly provoked. Your email address will not be published. And their history with the mental health establishment and labeling with inappropriate mental disorders is legendary. Women are relieved, and it reduces the demonization, it doesnt increase it. Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. The characteristics of Aspergers must be noticeable in infancy or early childhood to receive the diagnosis of Aspergers. So it is no surprise that when a wife describes how she suffers from emotional deprivation in her marriage, she is doubted. NTs are the victim, especially if we were not told of this neurodivergence before marriage. His world is black and white, except when it comes to his own behavior. Provide individual, child and family counseling to clients. The core features of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are frequent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images that are experienced as unwelcomed and uninvited. But in practice it is complicated and necessities a professional who understands thoroughly not just the characteristics of Aspergers but how they are played out in real life. Click below to ask a question or schedule an appointment. For more information and support regarding the Cassandra phenomenon, visit the Families of Adults Afflicted with Aspergers Syndrome website. Strange fixations about how the house should be arranged all the furniture lined up against one wall, or all the appliances in the kitchen crammed onto one counter, because it "looks better that way". The third and final meeting is a time to clarify questions that were not completely answered in the previous meetings, gather additional information and raise additional questions that have emerged from the information collected so far. When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. Dr. Kathy McMahon (Dr. K) is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. After speaking to him last night I started doing some reading about the feelings from my side that have motivated my input to what I now realise has contributed to the downfall of our marriage and found cassandra syndrome. I have finally found what I was looking for. And clearly there is not a person at fault here, only unintended consequences and lack of understanding. Hey Nora! Our group process aims to take you from feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, alone, confused, hurt, and afraid to having confidence in yourself again and peace in your heart. Anywhere in NJ she can get help for Cassandra Syndrome? When they do communicate their feelings they are often out of synch with the situation that generated the feeling. Indications that these characteristics are causing significant problems in relationships, work or other important areas of the persons life. He was never diagnosed, but after learning more I am realizing that he must have it. I'm just saying, police your own community. I have ONLY seen Cassandra syndrome talked about in literal hate groups. Ya, intellectual empathy is hard to grasp or for many to consider real empathy. My divorce from my ASD ex-husband is about to come through. Tutoring reports, evaluations of group activities, personal diaries, family recordings and other such records often provide valuable insights about the likelihood of Aspergers. My clinical opinion is that tensions go down between wives and husbands when the woman understands that the destructive labels that shes defaulted to, about her husband, arent accurate. By deliberately misleading these women, the individuals promoting this agenda are not only acting unethically, but also causing significant harm to the affected women, their families, and in some cases, innocent men who are being unjustly blamed for relationship difficulties. Join or Log Into Facebook. Cassandra Syndrome. I am so grateful that I came across this group on Facebook and went through the program. They may rely on their partner to articulate this experience, but this is quite different than saying they don't have this fundemental human trait. In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that it's to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. He refuses to consider that he might need an evaluation. Damage to ones self-esteem as a result of disapproval, ridicule, discrimination and rejection is possible when knowledge of an Aspergers diagnosis is disseminated. Additionally, when the information used to make a diagnosis comes from multiple sources, like family history, an experts observations, school, medical and other reports, questionnaires and standardized test instruments the diagnosis is likely to be more accurate and reliable. Do they qualify for a diagnosis of Aspergers, or not? Knowing someone has Aspergers opens up avenues to resources for help as well as access to programs to improve social inclusion and emotional management. Most require the respondent to indicate whether he or she agrees with a statement related to Aspergers. He had no awareness of mine or our childrens feelings, how our feelings may impact an event or situation and it became despairing. Given the confusion with another similarly named disorder, Affective Deprivation Disorder (AfDD) was proposed by Maxine Aston. Online Support Groups and Discussion Forums AANE's online support groups and discussion forums are an opportunity to connect, share common experiences, and learn about valuable resources. I would suggest if you have any interest, you seek out the training offered to the public and neurodiverse couples at aane.org. To do that, an experienced professional needs investigate two things: the persons medical, developmental, social, family and academic history; and how the person responds to a face-to-face assessment of social reasoning, communication of emotions, language abilities, focused interests, and non-verbal social interaction. These descriptions include rigidity, misinterpretation of intentions, difficulty anticipating or appreciating the non-ASD partners feelings, emotional inaccessibility, trouble empathizing, and an inability to engage appropriately in social situations. They may talk a lot and have more one-sided conversations as do adults with ADHD but they do so because lacking an understanding of how the person they are talking to is grasping what they are saying they are, in effect, talking to themselves. Little or too much detail is included in conversation, and there is difficulty in recognizing when the listener is interested or bored. They may be frustrated, claiming that their partner refuses to talk about emotions, is overly controlling, 'narcissistic' or blames them when things go wrong. Before coming to this group, I was depressed to the point where I was wearing sweatshirts and pajama pants daily. See if the changes I made fixes it! Up until this point, I didn't even have the vocabulary to describe any of this, and all of that has changed after having read this article. I will describe the types of information that is sought in an assessment for Aspergers and how that information is collected. We had 6 kids in 10 years when I wanted 3. To diagnosis and adult with Aspergers requires that the person have: What happens if someone has some of these difficulties but not all? Women have often been accused by the medical establishment of being melodramatic and exaggerating their physical symptoms. Name last changed on February 14, 2022. e You: Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome". What are the advantages & disadvantages of a diagnosis? We will be meeting one hour every week for four weeks, but youre certainly welcome to continue as long as you need to. They readily understand when a statement such as, its raining cats and dogs is being used as a figure of speak and not as a literal statement. The line reads, "Typically, only when their children are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum do those around her begin to question whether her husband may be likewise neurotypical." For example, someone with Aspergers can be quite intelligent and have mastery over numerous facts, yet have much less comprehension emotions and how they are expressed. No longer will they be able to hope to have a satisfying, intimate relationship. Research has shown growing evidence for a connection between Aspergers and ADHD. Just knowing how the person behaves, thinks and feels does not, in and of itself, tell you whether he or she has Aspergers. Ambivalence, confusion, and turmoil are common problems for . Releasing/resolving resentments in the present and fears about the future. Tina, there is an awesome support group on meetup.com I know that it is still online, but it is something. Believing Cassandra is part of New Path Couples Therapy, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. So, I looked nuts to everyone I spoke to. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. They tend to be irritable and aggressive and to get into physical fights or commit acts of physical assault (including spousal or child beating). . I then entered into a neurodivergent relationship with both arms open (he's so calm! Cassandra SyndromeNew Hope for Neurotypical Partner, Neurodivergents and Love: Five Good Reasons to Embrace Neurodiversity. I had no idea what I was getting into either. They dont have the strong preference for logical patterns in things and people, an inability to read facial expressions or blindness to what is going on in other peoples minds that characterizes Aspergers. If your spouse is saying she has Cassandra syndrome it's possible she's joined some of these groups and her outlook is becoming tainted by them. Feeling confused/bewildered. Following and understanding simple conversation has become almost impossible for him. Fortunately, more couples therapists are getting trained in identifying neuro-atypicality and learning how to work effectively with neurodiverse couples. The Cassandra Syndrome was coined to describe the difficulty NT partners experience when trying to get acceptance and understanding from their neurodiverse partners, relatives, and therapists. How is it possible to tell for sure if someone doesnt understand subtle emotions? Of course, it is possible that people in someones life will react to the diagnosis of Aspergers by alienating themselves from that person. Complete . When she backed out of a deal that she'd made with Greek God Apollo, he was angry. The Cassandra phenomenon depicts a state of confusion, self-doubt, and inner turmoil that is all too familiar among neurotypical people who, when describing their experiences with an adult on the spectrum, are doubted, discounted, ignored, even rejected by friends, family members, and sometimes professionals who disbelieve their account. I have been with my husband for 13 years, married 9 years. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. But the nice thing about this group is that the ladies can support one another in between our sessions on Skype. The questionnaires and scales for adults are as follows, in alphabetical order: These questionnaires indicate whether a person has characteristics that match those of people with Aspergers but that, in and of itself, doesnt prove someone has or doesnt have Aspergers. Having the diagnosis is a relief for many people. FYI: Im limiting the group to 30 members or less, because I want there to be plenty of time for one-on-one attention (although you wont be required to talk if you dont feel comfortable doing so). The impact on being around one is actually worse. The list of symptoms that sometimes occur with someone in a close relationship with an Autism Spectrum Disorder adult is too long to describe in this article, but several reactions are notable. I feel an unbearable loneliness, which I dont believe I deserve. Everyone's different." Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills.
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