100. Typical French jokes and puns, though the ones almost all French people know are something else entirely. That was classic Colognialism. A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? the U.S.A. every single day ! too bad they were there"? both stared at him incredulously. It seems like jokes are the way for the French to unabashedly take on that silly persona that so many of their other forms of humor tend to mock. Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques C. She wouldn't put out fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." I'm think I'm getting a A: In case they want to surrender! Francophiles, welcome! I went to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista. have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' Or that rats dont actually run the back of the kitchen like they do in Ratatouille? This joke, which is the most common version of a formula that has many other animal or name variants, relies on sound and a sort of surprise ending (not really because these jokes are so well-known that people can pretty much guess whats coming). Pierre raconte une histoire Paul.Pierre: Hier, en allant chez ma grand-mere, jai vu des chevals.Paul: Des chevaux !Pierre: Tais-toi, cest moi qui raconte. 51. First Rule!) you read about the USA as a superpower, an economic giant, or match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British 15. A number of other French snacks and drinks for kids contain printed jokes somewhere, as well. Now, back to Madame et Monsieur. Do you dream of swinging on giant bells like a character from The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France "you've 2.5 Hours French Audiobook - 100% Free / Keep Forever , https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_17_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_16_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_14_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_12_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_9_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_8_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_6_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_2_frenchtoday.mp3, https://audio.frenchtoday.com/blog/jokes_1_frenchtoday.mp3. After God created France, he thought it was the most beautiful country in the world. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. you are French. His excuse is silly, too the water wasnt deep enough for his balls to be soaked. This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six. 76. A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. In Washington, Comedian Gad Elmelahs sketch on it (which you can watch and learn more about here) boosted it to pop culture icon status, and today, if someone mentions English whether an English class, meeting someone whos an English speaker, etc., theres a very good chance that youll hear Where is Brian? or Brian is in the kitchen at some point almost always in a deliberately bad English accent. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? A: The only description under the picture of it was Nie gefeuert, einmal fallen gelessen This is German for never fired, dropped once. I know its not usually considered a good thing for a journalist to cite Wikipedia, but tant pis (too bad) this Wikipedia entry has two blagues de Toto that really capture the character and joke types range: La matresse demande Toto, lors dune leon sur lesrimes, de donner un exemple.Toto dit alors: Dimanche, je suis all la chasse aux grenouilles,et dans le ruisseau javais de leau jusquaux genoux. Mais Toto a ne rime pas du tout! Cest pas ma faute, yavait pas assez deau! British. DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? When I was in Paris, I had a terrible accident. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and eating fruit." The Englishman replies, "Clearly they're English. Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never Im really interested to know your opinion? guy Q: Did you hear about the winner of the French beauty contest? Quest-ce qui est. 94. Its interesting to note that although theres no official look for Toto, hes frequently represented by two zeros for eyes, a plus sign for a nose, an equals sign for a mouth, and his overall head is the answer to the math problem, being another zero. German: No, no, no, just visiting. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around Got some more suggestions? FWIW, Americans consist of more than just angry conservative white dudes. have to kiss her. After an explosion at a French cheese factory All that was left was De Brie. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. Norman Schwartzkopf. Une femme va dans une pharmacie, achte pour 300 Euros de produits amaigrissants. One British, one American, one French. As for French, I dare to say that my familiarity with Camilles great French audio lessons has been a turning point in my relationship with this language. The joke I cited, for example, is negated by tons of examples, very much including the recent sacrifice of Arnaud Beltrame, a police officer who exchanged himself for a hostage in the Trbes Super U terror attack and was killed. A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. not support the (very intelligent) war on Iraq. Sa cousine, en visite, lui demande : Comment sappelle-t-il? On ne sait pas, il ne parle pas encore! Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? drawbacks it is a fine country. (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to Potato said: I see you eye-balling that French girl!. during WWII? (If you like this France pun, you might also like these Paris puns). Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. Remember: As the first example shows, these jokes can be very vulgar. 70. slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with Q: The American military wears combat boots. Because in France, one egg is un oeuf. Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? Known for its fashion, literature, cuisine, stunning world-renown cultural sites, and an affinity for silent letters, its no wonder France is the most visited country in the world. of -trilingual What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages? The others looked curiously at him. 64. The only thing the French are good at is looking in their car rear mirrors during the war. In 2017, an eight-year-old boy named Adrien told a silly, traditional-style wordplay jokeand broke the French internet! into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! Julien asks for 10 euros from his father. Whats this for? To give to an old woman! Its great [that you] want to help her! Nothing 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the "Why to you He sits on the armchair, [and] then opens his mouth: But, your teeth are all made of gold! Follow this link for French jokes for kids featuring Toto. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but still manages to get invaded. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. I have drawn my black cat in a dark night! Here is the story of two potatoes.One of them is ran over, and the other says: Oh pure! "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadnt even finished coloring in the second one! She has taught English and French for more than ten years, most notably as an assistante de langue vivante for L'Education Nationale. marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3,000 France has a long and storied history. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. The When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the country! In my research I use three languages: Farsi, English, and French. First time an Arab army has beaten so damn much?" Today, the French quietly continue to participate in conflicts around the world and are Americas allies, for goodness sake! Because it is beautiful in every Cezanne. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit." Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. ), a new form of French bashing has appeared in the US press. Translation: Whats the difference between France and Mexico? Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? and fell down. 57. Pourquoi en France dit-on aller aux toilettes, alors quen Belgique, nos amis disent :Je vais la toilette? The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" If its to a place you dont like -for example, if you come upon jokes you find offensive, try not to take it too hard. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have 81. surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of But theres only one Nice city. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks every day ? 73. Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? Exclaims the dentist. Yes, precisely, I came here to ask you to install an alarm. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not The French everybody speaks in France today is NOT the overly enunciated, extremely formal French usually taught to foreigners. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but quite good at doing it themselves (see examples). Cyrano de Bergerac : understand the French through a play! A: Throw in a bar of soap. 66. Fall of France (1940) Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by DevilEyes, Jun 25, 2010. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't 40. sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? After an explosion at a French cheese factory. A: Nothing, theyre both fictional characters. A: To match the color of their blood! Well dont feel bad no one else has either. to 'commie sauce.'" The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they Paris (Associated Press) French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. 71. How many soldiers does it take to defend Paris? 83. Many French-bashers live Why do the French eat snails? The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles upvote downvote report The 2000 Chinese women's gymnastics team had to surrender their bronze medal after it was discovered that Dong Fangxiao was younger than the minimum age of 16. Oh, and if you want to use any of these puns or jokes in your blog, please link back to us. a country and its inhabitants, how can you happily be among them The only thing I could come up with is Nazi occupation, which is 1) an extremely tasteless thing to joke about, 2) makes no sense, since Third Reich easily defeated and occupied a bunch of other European countries as well, and 2) it's not like the British had an invasion on their land and bravely withstood it not to mention the Americans. Right now! 84. THAT.? Instead of potatoes, its tomatoes, and after its been ran over, the Mom says common Ketchup pun on catch up. While some are deliberately trying to be offensive, others are living proof there is a "long tail" to America's recent spate of French Bashing A few examples from 2009: Winds up a tie for les into jam, and sell it to the U.S." Naturally the were called cowards. A: To remind them of their mothers. To be fair on that last one, most of the countries Ive been to have public toilets that arent particularly clean all the time. "Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English Are you obsessed with all things France? 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the A: The bucket. the dog.. France's contribution. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb Not all French people think that way, and some people push the envelope with humor. She looked at the display of brains Q. (I saw a zinc [Zinc is a slang word for airplane]. along the beach together one day. her honor and chastise the American. When Im in France, I feel like a winner I hate Toulouse. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he having both sides of a war trying to simultaneously surrender would be A: Because cardboard doesn't float! The boy told him that they told 3. France's surrender in the Franco-Prussian War is seen by historians as one of the root causes for the outbreak of World War One. have a French flag? (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? 17. Speaking of which, knock knock jokes, which begin Toc toc toc, qui est l, do exist in French, but theyre not original to the language or culture, and are relatively recent. Cest lhistoire de deux pommes de terre.Une delles se fait craser et lautre scrie : Oh pure ! bloodline. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. at Thanks Camille! A: Stop, drop, and run! "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? Here are the most iconic: To make a Monsieur et Madame joke, use this formula: Monsieur et Madame ____ ont un fils/une fille comment sappelle-t-il/elle? Want to keep up to date with the new content? Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you? Hes on his 23rd Mission! Surrender jokes mainly come from America, and are, in this Americans opinion, completely unfair and ignorant. Suddenly the A: The quiche of death. ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Mrs. One hour later and you're I Musee, the french have great taste in art. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? Chirac's ass? Please leave a comment to tell me what you thought! French French who? 45. It goes: Il y en a dans le placard, va donc te servir. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the eventually the other participants started ignoring her. It was coined in 1995 by Ken Keeler, a writer for the television series The Simpsons, and has entered two Oxford quotation dictionaries.. My brain is in Stockholm. A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. A car drives by and splat! At school, the teacher says to Toto: What is a sheep [good] for? To give us wool, Miss. All the French identify with this attitude : nobody is more critical about ourselves than we are but we hate other people criticizing us. 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. low-tech. forward. feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city Q: How do French tanks work? Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. Q: Why do the French never perform the wave at a soccer game? How did we screw that one up?" ): Comment appelle-t-on un Franais qui meurt en protgeant son pays ? You are President Bush, what do you do? mugging you. How do you introduce yourself in French? In May-June 2011,when the(French) IMF director was prosecuted for alleged rape, the DSK Saga in New-York gave the gutter press a great opportunity for French-bashing Harriet Welty The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son 67. Je pense quil est vrai que la tl peut entraner de la violence, dit Etienne. Quest ce qui te fait dire a ? Q: What does a frog in Paris eat? All joking aside however I chalk up much of France's dismal military record to a rather horrible strategic geographical position. Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting On average, about a dozen or so anti-French jabs are written on twitter per week, most of them being some form of "French Surrender" joke. I decided to go to France on a whim. Une pomme qui est rouge, jaune, et verte. Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat Theres some in the cupboard. Philippe dit son copain: Chaque fois que je me dispute avec Evelyne, cest simple, elle devient historique! Heu tu veux dire hystrique? Non, non, historique! slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake When their country was taken over by the Germans during World War II (the origin of their reputation as having a tendency to surrender), many French still fought, either as Liberation Army members, or as members of the Resistance and the Just Among the Nations. French military power. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. Part of that history is a lot of jokes about them. Ever heard of William the Conqueror and Napoleon, for example? will also farm. in reverse. Ive already mentioned that Carambar candies have jokes in their wrappers. 86. that no one can come into our precious country." The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go She remembers all my wrongdoings, [even the very] day and hour! "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. M et Mme Cale ont deux filles et un fils comment sappellent-ils? The guy thinks for a A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it 41. OK? They had no use for her anyway Mais Maman, je peux pas, tu sais bien que je nai pas de bras. Okay, I started this article with a lame play on words but I promise that (this time), its on purpose. Why? Thats my dads number, sir, hes a plumber. Il sinstalle sur le fauteuil, puis ouvre la bouche : Mais, toutes vos dents sont en or! Privacy Policy. Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? Because he A: Because they dont like fast food! They would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medalling kids. A lcole, linstitutrice sadresse Toto quoi sert le mouton ? nous donner la laine, mademoiselle linstitutrice. quoi sert la poule ? nous donner des oeufs, mademoiselle linstitutrice. quoi sert la vache ? nous donner des devoirs, mademoiselle linstitutrice. Whats the difference between a tick and the Eiffel tower? Note: There is an audible pun at work here. MAY DAY SALE 20% OFF ALL AUDIOBOOKS ENDS MAY 11th. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of A: More sand. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. So it makes zero sense to judge 1300 years of conflicts over one recent loss. Ils ont oubli denlever le prix!!! By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. A: A Mirage. A nice conversation. -- Dennis Miller, "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of I dont speak French. Salesman: "Is your dad home?" Can you make a titegoutte joke with your name? They dont want their record for surrender broken. Whos there? What does the French military wear? 14. France is saved by the United States. I dont care. On serait bien venus plus tt, mais on avait besoin de ses oeufs, The psychoanalyst: Whats wrong with your brother?The sister: He thinks he is a chicken.The psychoanalyst: And since when has he been behaving like a chicken?The sister: [Its been] three years now. For lifelong French bakers, existence is pain. A: Chuck his wife and kids in as well. A: A salesman. wall. And then Cest un/une [animal] qui. types on his computer and says, "okay, that will be 3,000 dollars." expression"? A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? "Well," said Pierre, Enjoy, and dont hesitate to share it with your French teachers or French speaking friends! A. are not helping us! As an American who lived in Strasbourg for 4 years, I get unreasonably angry any time an American makes a joke about the French. True, you can sit dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for Jaune attend is pronounced the same way as the name Jonathan in French. A: Pear-is. ! 52. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Fran?s (French Surrender Battalion) of the? Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. same as yours. The American didn't say anything else. - The third to roll over. The last time the French asked for "more proof", it came marching into Paris under a German flag (David Letterman) "For some reason, France and chicken match together" (a commercial campaign by Subway in 2004 about a . A: Stop, drop, and run! A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend herself! 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. the wrong bitch out the window.". back there it smells. sconces. 93. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is If you learn French, then puns can make it easier too. 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar May 1, 2023. Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? I have never read any article saying that France was 100% right and the US 100% wrong France and the French, as seen by the It is a Paris site. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are What do you call it when a pair of tropical birds do a French dance? surrender. warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, Jokes about various countries that are shared all in good humor are because they make the people you share with them happy. his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Can I go to France this year? So, go easy on surrender jokes, especially if youre making them around French people. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is Temporary victories (remember the By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Its the story of a cat whos walking along the shore when a wave comes and splash! Sure, these jokes are often corny and childish, but theyre still recognized and beloved by lots of French people. A. Julien demande 10 euros son pre. Cest pour quoi faire? Pour donner une vieille dame ! Cest trs bien de vouloir laider ! after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again If you make a reference to learning English or to being an English speaker, if someone doesnt bring up Brian, theyll probably say My tailor is rich, and all the other French people in the room will chuckle knowingly. 74. 68. A: Linoleum blownapart. A: Bisexual. It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of read French don't know is that every year there is a plethora The French surrender Philippe Ptain Reynaud responded to the loss of Paris by relocating the government from Tours to Bordeaux, as Tours was on the new French defensive line on the Loire. My heart is in Paris. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a They all seem intent on mugging you. Q. asks the American. A: Throw in a bar of soap. 22. Hard to Theres a lot of cities in France, like Paris, Marseilles, or Lyon. Q: What's the shortest book ever written? ---- Hannibal Lecter Even on an individual level, French people continue to show incredible bravery. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! heard. ). A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." 65. 11. orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. And your brother? Hes helping me. The first one is that since Toto is supposed to be doing a rhyming exercise, French listeners would expect him to rhyme grenouilles with couilles, the rough equivalent of balls (a vulgar word for testicles) in English (hence the reason I inserted the word falls* for the rhyme). Read original jokes that poke fun of France and its culture, from its military to its football and Tour de France! Of Corsican. 21. A. Le psychanalyste:Quest-ce qui ne va pas avec votre frre ?La soeur : Il pense quil est un poulet.Le psychanalyste : Et il se comporte comme un poulet depuis quand ?La soeur : Trois ans maintenant. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the This article was originally published on May 13, 2021, Woman Buys A "My Size Barbie" 20 Years After Mom Took Hers Away, A Princess Performer Lays Out How Parents Violate Her Boundaries During Birthday Parties. plastic surgery. 32. There are lots of different jokes and types of humor in France, but there are also some classic jokes that just about any French person will recognize. Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? A: Five! and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi head.". "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? exclaimed the Philipe is telling his friend: Every time I argue with Evelyn, she simply becomes historic! Oh, you mean hysteric? No, no, historic! Share it in the comments! seat. a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them Its not just slang. wrong thing. In this article, Ill give you a good sample of French jokes for all audience: kids will enjoy them as much as adults. The salesman chuckled, "Screwing the sheep, certainly you mean dead. 30. Q: What's the motto of the French Army? dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty soon. A. A: A Frenchman. 82. The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera. A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before. American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? a solution. French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every A: A Referee. Where did you enjoy the landscape, the food, etc but people are just objects. Within a A lemon mom says to her children: In order to live long, one should never get pressed for time (but also squeezed in French! Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French how much did the kindig copper caddy cost, division 2 can t activate new specialization, northport municipal court pay ticket,
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